Disclaimer:

All written content is my own but any images that you see are made with a.i. however, all Biblical references within these images are checked out for accuracy purposes where some are paraphrased I have noticed! so just making you aware!

This post is a long time coming but is also necessary and needed – so yes there is a small part of this life’s journey that this English girl has gone through but then there is the explanation of why this was shared which then goes into the whole purpose of this blog post!

I need to start off by sharing that we all have a past and this does mean All. We cannot get away from this fact whether we want to or not – PERIOD!

I for one without delving into this English girl’s many mistakes throughout the years and when I say many mistakes we are talking mistakes which have cost me so much which for the most part has been Page’s fault and I know this – however, I also know that through the blood of Jesus Christ that all of us who come to Jesus Christ and truly came to faith in Jesus Christ, where for me this was not until July 2022 where I learned very quickly to walk in the truth and obedience of Jesus Christ with the help of His Holy Spirit. 

I will also add here that like all of us – I am far from perfect and boy do I know this without a shadow of a doubt. We are all a work in progress and this will continue until the time we are called home to live with Jesus.

Many family members as well as long term friends going back many years are fully aware of the absolute hypocrisy of my lifestyle through the years and it was seriously bad when I as a “supposedly professing Christian” where there have been lives I have almost ruined; vast mistakes and serious mistakes and the list continues where the lifestyle I was living was an absolute car crash of a mess. I am not surprised in many ways that family and some long term friends who have known me for donkey’s years want nothing whatsoever to do with Jesus – totally not surprised ok but hear me out here please:

Change was needed through right choices:

Again, that word of choice comes up constantly and it does because at the end of the day through wrong choices aka wrong decisions that I chose ended up causing not just myself but many so much pain, hurt along with confusion, anger and so on and so forth. Life was chaotic in so many forms where for too many years to count I became the “victim” if you will because of past life circumstances from a young child moving through into adulthood. Yes, there were the excuses that this girl here did not know any better and all the rest of the lies that go along with that statement but to a degree “I” did recognise what was happening but it really was not until I seriously started (a) studying God’s amazing written word and (b) listening to incredible Biblical truths that “Page” knew that changes had to happen which did not come instantaneously let me tell you this right off the bat!

Poor lifestyle choices through and through:

There were a ton of extremely poor lifestyle choices and this is where I am going to briefly get into one area as this was brought up a few years ago without stating who from but with what next month is, meaning “gay pride month” – this is where this becomes personal so bear with me on this!

With both deep regret and remorse one of this girl’s poor lifestyle choices was going through a stage of “homosexuality” which was one of the reasons why I lost my daughter to adoption all those years ago! For someone who was totally against homosexuality to getting involved in a same sex relationship which did end but then this girl here got involved in another couple of brief relationships. Then after realising that this had to end (I thought that was it!) a few years down the line there was another very brief relationship where that was truly the end of this one particular sinful lifestyle choice! I am getting to a point here of why I am “ bringing this out into the open” which I will go onto briefly explain:

A tug of war going on deep inside my heart:

This was not pretty as with all of the wrong lifestyle choices including what I briefly shared above, there was a tug of war going on. This was as if God was on one end of the rope and satan on the other with myself in the middle where both were pulling at me to get my attention but “I” carried on doing what “I” wanted to do regardless of the consequences! I was a so called “professing Christian” through all of this and basically “I” wanted the best of both worlds meaning “I” wanted my cake and to eat it too.! Basically, I strongly desired to “live” the Christian life but “I” was allowing myself to be pulled further and further into satans clutches so to speak! 

Was I an avid reader of God’s Word being able to comprehend and understand the seriousness of “my” actions whereby as stated many times before “I” should be in hell – NOPE because this girl here firmly does believe that if “I” truly understood the seriousness of “my” commitment when “I” thought “I” had given “my” life to Jesus – I do not believe that the choices this girl chose would have happened so therefore “I” back then did NOT belong to Jesus Christ – IMPOSSIBLE! Again, am I being overly harsh or critical on “myself” no “I” am not especially according to God’s Written Word!

Truth hurts:

You know whether a child; teenager or an adult we are disciplined by family and or friends and if they have that personal relationship with Jesus Christ and one is being disciplined in the truth of God’s Word – this can and does hurt. However, being disciplined at any age and especially by those older and wiser than yourself is indeed a good thing and truth though it does hurt, can reap huge rewards if and only if one’s choosing – you allow that truth to make vast positive improvements in your life (when I say your I am speaking about all of us here!) then through prayer along with absolute true repentance then and ONLY then can you allow His Holy Spirit along with continued being obedient to Aba Father to make those wise choices moving forward and to not go back into the past to continue those past mistakes which will end up having a disastrous effect on where you spend eternity and it will!!

This is why I am super beyond thankful now knowing and understanding the absolute inherent truth of God’s Written Word (and not all of it which is impossible whilst here on this earth) but with truth comes knowledge; with knowledge comes wisdom and with wisdom comes obedience and not only obedience but desiring above all else to walk in the footsteps of the Messiah (Footsteps of the Messiah is an excellent book by the way by Dr Arnold Fruchtenbalm)! You desire to live a righteous and holy lifestyle. Yes, we are not perfect whereby we still make mistakes but Lord Willing not the mistakes of the past whereby when you were living a sinful lifestyle that heaven forbid those errors are never repeated ever again and when I say never I seriously do mean NEVER!!

Turning one’s life around!

You hear the phrase “a leopard cannot change its spots” whilst this is absolutely true, let us remember that a leopard is an animal and NOT a human being! What I mean by this statement is that yes as sinful human beings we do have choices to make whereby we can decide to go God’s way or man’s way – this is where one needs to choose wisely and VERY wisely. Whatever choices we all make can have and sadly does have a domino effect not only on our own life but also on others too!

Whilst with some people when they have handed their lives truly and completely over to Jesus Christ there can be instant change but for many (myself included) change is not instantaneous therefore does take time and whether this be weeks, months or years – there is good that can be turned around from past destructive behaviours and this is true! This is also a learning curve and being responsible for taking care with one’s life style choices and this is a daily act of will and it is!

If you think about it, we all make choices from the minute our eyes are opened upon waking up first thing in the morning. We then make choices of various formats throughout each and every day and those decisions we make are ongoing from the moment we wake up to the time we go to sleep at night and this is where there is no getting away from this fact!

Hebrews 8:12

¹² For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins ^[a]and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”

So, when others remind us of our past failures – allow us to gently tell them that God is not a God who remembers our past mistakes no matter what they are. Once we have handed our lives over to Jesus Christ and truly handed our lives over to Him then our past is erased from His memory and this is fact. What a shame that many of us tend to forget this therefore reminding others of their past mistakes when our past is literally in God’s eyes FORGOTTEN! Also when we hand our lives over to Jesus it is amazing that a lot of our past mistakes that Aba has also erased from our minds which believe you me is a very good thing indeed!

The other valuable lesson here is that the knowledge that God knew everything about us before He formed us so every thought, word and deed He knows – PERIOD!! It is mind blowing to know that all of our thoughts; all of our words and all of our actions God foreknew and this as stated is absolutely mind blowing (Read Psalm 139) but at the same time this should be sobering for each and every person – why? because if we do remember this fact day in day out then in reality this should cause us to seriously watch our steps knowing that God is all knowing and all powerful etc etc and absolutely NOTHING escapes Him. We do need to take daily care and throughout each and every single day remembering that we are to be so very careful in every aspect of our walk whilst here on this journey called life!

Remember also that not only is God watching us but so is everyone else and also how interesting that out of all the religions in this crazy upside down topsy turvy world – Christians are the most criticised and watched people and all because of who we stand for which is Jesus Christ! No other religion or cult is so obviously scrutinised than Christianity!! so therefore walking in His Righteousness is so paramount especially in today’s crazy evil world!!

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