Well Summer has gone and we are now into the Autumnal season. Autumn along with Spring are my favourite times of year. Anyhoo, today Sunday is the start of another week. Upon waking I was in deep thought/quiet reflection for what seemed an age – there is so much on my mind right now from the ongoing war against Israel of which there will be a couple of posts Lord Willing over the next eight days. But for now, there is so much on my heart that I thought I would share some of this with you.
There has been a shift in my mood patterns over the last few days which has not been good – some of it has to do with as I mentioned above which is, the events going on in Israel right now. Even though I know full well that God’s promises regarding this beautiful nation are rock solid and nothing will happen to her, what is going on is very much on my heart. I am also aware that there is much more going on with her surrounding nations but in the direct areas that Israel is fighting back in retaliation, which is very much warranted, folk have been given more than enough opportunities to leave which they are doing in their droves. Hmm, so much for this blog post not being about Israel but still she is deeply on my heart. I do end this blog post with Israel in light of major updates this afternoon on this beautiful Nation of God.
Also heavy on my heart are members of my own family – some of whom could be reading this I don’t know but anyhow – my heart’s desire for each family member including those whom I don’t know by name is for their salvation meaning for them to come to the saving knowledge of Jesus. This is a continuous ongoing prayer and will never change. My heart is so heavy that there are times I am literally sobbing because my heart aches so badly wanting to see them in heaven but also at the end of the day, there have been those who have made it clear they don’t want me to bring up the name of Jesus. This I have to somehow try and respect but let me tell you, this is far from easy, and I mean this with all sincerity. The more events in this upside-down world evolve, the more my heart is literally aching for family and friends etc who don’t know Jesus. There have been so many who have turned their backs on Him or who want nothing to do with Him at all. Prayer is a mighty weapon and the most powerful weapon there is.
Talking of family, this morning my mind also went back to my own parents. A few months back, I had taken a DNA test to find out some specific information and this I have to say was taking a lot of my time up. As interesting as it was, I had decided to quit doing any more research, so I cancelled the two sites I was part of and have let this go, why? Because one of the reasons was to find out who my actual birth father was. I am still not 100% sure but only a minor percent am I unsure of. However, the point being that no matter how difficult my upbringing was – the fact remains that the gentleman who brought me up and cared for me to the point that he was loving; kind and caring and was literally a gentleman. This was the only earthly father I have ever known.
There was a lot of pain in regard to my upbringing and so many bad memories which are still extremely painful if I look back on them and this is in regard to both my parents. But despite all of my parent’s faults and flaws, they in their own unique way loved and cared for me. I have to remember that we had a roof over our heads; we had food on the table, and they went out of their way to spoil me at Birthdays and Christmas and at other times. We had holidays always in Devon and also camping sites in Somerset not too far from our home. We also went out a lot especially in the summer months to places mostly in Somerset where Triscombe was a favourite jaunt of my parents.
Talking of Triscombe, fond memories of us going for day trips where we would take my huge beach ball. This is where I recall my father especially, and I playing ball. The three of us also used to go for frequent walks which I have to admit I used to dread; It was not the walk itself but quite often we used to go for walks in densely wooded areas and for some bizarre reason I used to dislike those walks – I don’t know but it was something about the densely wooded area that used to almost terrify me, where I would be constantly looking over my shoulder believing we were being followed – I know this sounds crazy. I did get over this once I reached my teens just to add this bit in here. I am also pretty certain we would go on camping trips to Triscombe from time to time which was also a lot of fun.
Talking of walks, I recall a time when I was about four to five years old, where the three of us went for a completely different walk, where on this particular occasion, my father suddenly scooped me up in his arms to protect me because there was a snake in the grass, and it may have been an adder reflecting back to that time. So, yes there were times I remember his hand of protection in my life. Though our ultimate protection comes from Our Heavenly Father – God Himself.
On other occasions I recall my mother looking out for me. One of these times was when I believe it was the time she had gone to my grand-father’s funeral. I was about six or seven years old. (though I did not find out until a few years later that my grandfather had died) but I was walking back home after school from the school bus. As I got closer to our home, my mum opened the front door with her arms open wide, she had obviously been looking out for my return – again in her own ways she loved and cared for me.
Life as a child and then going into teenage years and then adulthood was plagued with memories both good and bad – it was so hard when both parents died within five months of each other when I was twenty-five years old. I still miss them to this day, however, what I miss the most was the times where I wish our relationship had been so different; meaning so much better – so, needless to say with both of their deaths – we were not on good terms at all. This saddens me. At the same time, I was also not in a position mentally; emotionally; physically or spiritually to have been able to be there for either of them. There is nothing I can do to change the past, nothing and this applies to all of us no matter what age we are.
Also, along with these reflections is ongoing health issues including sleep which for several days now has reverted back to what it was which is daily interrupted sleep. I do get tired and at times completely exhausted. However, it has got to the point now that I find it somewhat amusing that my sleep is so poor and just look at this knowing that I am meant to be awake at the times in the middle of the night especially that I am. Why you may ask – well, because this is the time that I can pray and there are often times that after spending time in prayer and/or in His Word that I do have to go back to bed and quite often it is more than during the day, this is also part of ongoing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
With the above, I also find it strange when I receive comments quite often of how amazing I look considering my sleep is so poor. It is here that I give a gentle reminder that it is only by God’s grace that I look so well, and it is purely for this reason that I can get away with my lack of sleep not being noticeable on the outside. This reminds me if only folk could see how I am on the inside which is often quite drained but by His grace and His grace alone I somehow seem to thrive – not always is this the case by the way!
So, these are some of my thoughts that have been ongoing throughout today. As I sit here looking out of the window at the cherry tree with its branches gently swaying in the wind – I am in my cosy place of warmth and comfort feeling quite content wondering already where this Sunday has gone. It is heading towards mid-afternoon by the time I finish this blog post of which I need to wrap this up now as I would like to get this posted by the end of today.
It is now well into the evening plus it is now pitch black outside. I am sitting here with the soft glow of the lamp where all is quiet and still. I mentioned much earlier in this post that I would finish by bringing up Israel. Israel with all that is happening, it is so blatantly obvious of God’s protection over this precious nation and her people. It is also blatantly obvious through Scripture that so many prophecies are unfolding before our very eyes – so incredibly obvious. Israel’s enemies are being thrashed; Let me also add in here before I close that if anyone believes that God delights in war; that He is pleased over His enemies being killed – nope he is not. In fact, He is weeping over His enemies. I have said this time and time again, that despite what people may think – God is a God who loves each and every person. His whole desire is for all to come to know Him; to come before His throne of grace. He does not desire anyone to lose their life ever and this also will NEVER EVER CHANGE
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