There is freedom in being single!
It is Sunday night and one of those evenings where once again, I am in one of those pondering thought moments. Once again, I am found to be reflecting over certain points of the past and seeing how far I have come in this journey called life; seeing how far I have come to being content being an older woman and being on my own.
If someone had told me years ago that I would be spending this portion of my life on my own without being in a relationship; without being married – I probably would have looked at them in sheer panic – why you may I ask? Well, the thought of being on my own would have terrified me big time. But here we are many years later where this is exactly where I am at and have been on my own for the best part of six years now and I am at that point where I am more than content!
There is something quite unique; something quite special in being in this current season of my life. Don’t get me wrong – these last few years have not been without it’s challenges by any means. However, I am no longer in that place where I need a man to have by my side not even as a companion. Will this ever change – I have no idea but for this season of my life that I am in – this is perfect. Perfect in that not only am I not accountable to anyone except to God but, whether you may think I am being selfish or not – I can come and go as I please and do whatever I want within reason of course!
Also, just for a brief moment going back to my divorce – as I strongly believe my then husband is still alive – I am not in any position to get married because as far as I am concerned – even though I am divorced on paper, in God’s eyes I am still married. If you are wondering “has this woman lost the plot” – well, throughout The New Testament there are a ton of scriptures speaking about reasons behind divorce and re-marriage which I am not going to cover in this blog post. Though one Scripture verse passage does come to mind which is:
1 Corinthians 7:10
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
Without going into a lengthy paragraph on this subject. The grounds for a man or woman to be permitted to re-marry is if and only if they have been widowed. This is where the Bible is crystal clear. This is where I am not going to continue on this subject here as this can open a whole can of worms which at this stage, I am not willing to get into any discussions on this. By the way this whole section on divorce and re-marriage is for those of us who are Believers in Jesus Christ and have a personal relationship with Him through His gift of Salvation only!
So, going back to the subject at hand – does this mean that I don’t get lonely sometimes – Yep, I do, however, the last thing I desire is to get involved in another relationship – even if I was free to date, no this is not on the cards and the last road I ever want to go down again. Notice the “I” here. I also do not believe this is God’s will for me in this season of my life, if ever again!
You know being content in your own company is not easy – it is hard sometimes. Are there times I wish I had a husband, yes there are but these thoughts do not happen very often meaning for the most part I am content. I am content being in my own company; I am content to just be all that I can be for God….
No distractions to steal your attention away from God:
For me now, it is His will that is paramount in this season I am in. I also have to say that for the most part being on my own can be bliss. I love the freedom of choosing on my own what I can cook, where I can go. I have the freedom to decide if I would like to say go and visit with a friend without there being any time limits in how long I can be away for without having to get back to make supper etc. There is now total freedom in the choices that I make being a single woman.
It is possible to live life as a single woman to have joy and peace. There is something so very precious and fulfilling being able to draw nearer to God. To be able to give Him your undivided attention. There is something so amazing and fulfilling to take that step away from who the world perceives how you should live. What I mean by this is – in my case, I have had well-meaning folk say to me – words to the effect of “your still young enough to have a man in your life”. I have got comments quite a lot like this and, in my mind, it almost feels like the “secular world” thinks that even as an older woman that you are missing out on life; that you are missing out on having that “special someone in your life”. I find this quite sad that there does seem to be this expectancy of how you spend your life or should I say that well meaning folk seem to think you should be in a relationship.
I also find it sad when many single women can’t seem to function without having that “special partner” in their lives. They struggle with the insecurities of living on their own whereas they are so insecure that they struggle to cope. Umm, I was also one of those women for a few years. Even in my younger years, it was almost like an obsession that “I had to have a man” in my life. Looking back (which I realise you shouldn’t look back) but I do see how very insecure I was to the point that I was rarely without a guy in my life. But this is not the woman I am anymore; this is not what God wants for me and so, yes, I can truly say that I am seriously happy being on my own.
Another way of looking at this and this has literally just dawned on me by the way. Is that for many years, I was like a bird locked in a cage. Now you may be wondering “what do I mean by this phrase”? Well, because of the many insecurities I had – I had allowed myself to be caged in if you will by fear. Fear of being on my own. Fear of not having a man in my life. For many years, too many to count, I was dependent on men – not God but men. This was not good but after coming out of my marriage (though there was sort of a brief platonic relationship with an ex-fiancée). It took me from early 2019 until I would say the middle of last year, whereby the cage door was opened, and I flew out in freedom. Freedom whereby all fear had gone. No longer was I needing this special someone in my life; no longer was I too scared of being in my own company where I needed a man “as a clutch”! This is for sure no longer the same “page” (please excuse the pun here) but I believe you get my point!!
It is an absolute joy now to be able to embrace my singleness. There really is for me now so much more freedom. It is almost like I have been given a new lease of life from God. Going back to the bird analogy – the saying comes to mind “I am now as free as a bird” – quite fitting really! This time I am in right now; in this season of my life is so special and fulfilling. I also intend to embrace every single precious moment of this season forever how long I am in this season for which could be forever. There is joy to be had in the fact that where I used to run to the world looking for companionship, I now run to Jesus who is not only the lover of my soul, but I can now say with surety – He is in fact The Author of my life…….
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